Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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