What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
