there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
