nut hugger
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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