Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
