hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
