Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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