i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
