Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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