I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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