mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
