tonight lets celebrate not being married
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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