I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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