She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.