hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed