My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Sex on roller skates
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"