Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
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He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
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The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.