Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.