Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Why is your signature on my underwear?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do