Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube