We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"