i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
