So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize