Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
