I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
