That's when you crack a 10am beer
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
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Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
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New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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