I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
