do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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