Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
