I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We have started to decorate penises.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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