my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Randomize
