Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
