know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
