I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
