dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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