I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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