I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
