it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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