it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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