i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You left your phone here
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