then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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