matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
