just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
It was confusing and full of hummus
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
