Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
