at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
