I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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