I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
