i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
