3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
