Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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