Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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