Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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