guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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