so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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