u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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