I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
