I'm laying in your front yard are you home
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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