Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
