i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
