It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
