Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
