Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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