ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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