Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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