I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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