Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize