you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
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