...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i came on her dog
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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