She went from zero to smokin in five shots
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
