Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
They took my balls.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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